I hate my hair.

It's more than hair.

It's me.

I'm losing myself in a multidimensional warp that I don't even know.

Hair+angst=me???

----------------------------------the multidimensional warp---------------------------------

Enough...

I think that I won't be able to have this word for myself. I am with the extremes. I mean really insane things and I don't know how and when to stop. To have enough.

I have this weird tendency to cry without even knowing the cause. Maybe its the life I lived for about ten fifteen years hating my brother for the attention that my parents gave him. Almost all my life, I hated and envied him. But now, I came face to face with the truth he is suffering for all his life.

Every weekend, I come home to cure my sickness brought about by being away with my family. And every weekend, I can see and hear him suffering. But his sufferings never came out from his own lips, it was from a person whose name I can't even take mentioning.

I hope it ends.

I hope he'll be happy.

With us.

disco stick...

June 4, 2009...--- the day i have finally done the most unusual thing of my complicated life--- NOTHING!

I am really getting bored of this monotonous cycle they call "LIFE". Everyone seems to try their very best to be on top of everything. It may be on their respective professions, fashion, or even on showing off.
Ok, let's put you in a busy restaurant scene and there's a bunch of young and distracting people just beside your table. They're dressed like they're going to a party, flashes they're mobile phones as if it's their money they used to buy it, and talks like they're the only people in the place. How would you react?
Its funny, or let's say amusing to witness such display of eagerness or dedication to be the biggest mouth of a chit-chat. Ok, "biggest mouth" is kinda harsh label for them, so let's just call them "pollutants". <- (Yup... perfect name for them. No one would ever think that they're annoying people. Maybe they'll even be suspected as trash or garbage.)
So why "pollutants"??? Simple, they talk garbage and dress trashy. Their thoughts are not even helping the Philippines to improve its economic condition, and 99.9% of the atmosphere is alienated of their breaths.

AN EXAMPLE OF TRASHY TALK
>Oh my God! Hi girl! How are you na?? (beso-beso)

>Hi! Ok lang...you? Oh my God! I'm so tired of shopping na... its like my legs are so masakit.

>Oh wow! Ang ganda naman your phone... How much you buy?

>Hahahaha! you noticed? so cheap naman the price eh, hhhmmm.... 22,000 pesos lang naman so i buy na agad. (flashing the newly bought mobile)

>Reality? I told nga Daddy to buy me a new one, you know, the most latest, he said next week pa. (eyes rolling)

>Really? how kawawa naman. by the way, have you eaten na? c'mon, i'll make you libre... you know naman me, i love my friends...

>hahaha. no need girl... i just had my new ATM card, Mommy said kasi that i should have one...db?

>blahblahblah......

>blahblahblah.....

BUT INTELLECTUAL PEOPLE PREFER...
>Hi! How are you?

>Well i'm fine... how about you?

>Very much ok... Have you heard about the latest policy of public schools?

>Oh yes! that the school uniform be optional?

>Yeah! that one, i think its a very good idea because we really can't force most of our students to provide school uniforms for themselves because of the reality labeled as "financial problems".

>Yup! Of course its also nice to see that everybody is wearing their uniforms, right? But then again, by the end of the day, its the quality of education and the learning of the students that counts...

>Right... BLAHBLAHBLAH...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

i really have nothing against Pollutants... its just that the world would be a better place if they'll do the most unusual thing of their lives--- Shutting up!

.13... close fight!!!

my backbone issue starts to heal... I'm so happy but kinda disappointed as well.
it was a close fight.. .13.. almost made it but then again you can't have all the good things in life..
so I'm happy with the 1st runner-up title... at least I've done my best...

<- this picture was taken during our photoshoot in Binirayan. I am representing San Jose dB, 4th from right.


"only the most fruitful tree is the one always stoned by people"- i kinda started to like this quote
because of a certain incident of my life... actually it is more than an incident, let's just say that it was a "stupid act" by someone uneducated and insecure... i pity whoever this person is...

i turned over 3 crowns this year... my Miss Pag-asa Youth Association of the Philippines (PYAP) -Antique crown, my PYAP-Region 6 crown, and just last May 1,2009, my Lin-ay kang San Jose de Buenavista crown... it was a heartbreak for me but happiness as well.. i am now part of my province's history and somehow, i influenced some of its people.

What are the biggest changes in my life after every pageant?
Simple, after every pageant i cannot go out of our house looking trashy. I enjoy being carefree and never minding my looks. But then again i have to be presentable every time I go public because a beauty title doesn't only spell "Ambassadress of Goodwill" but "Well-dressed ambassadress" as well... (i hate the you-should-always-be-fixed-and-beautiful part...grrr)

now i feel needed...

april 8, 2009...

just this morning, we had our examinations for the next editorial board... and later that afternoon
we had our interview which was conducted by the Silak alumni.

at first i was kinda nervous.. by the way, i applied to be the next managing editor....
hehehe...
the interview went well, i was interviewed 'bout my future plans for silak...

i'm really happy because i got that position!! wohoo!

"im so happy i'd peed my pants!!!- pretty woman!"

Vanity exists...

raspberry_leonil21@yahoo.com - friendster add

...its amusing how people can turn themselves from devils into angels in front of other people... creating a personality they don't really have just to impress... and when they turn their backs, their eyes would roll... and just then they would realize... they're back being devils again...

my friend stacy and I->

March 15, 2009

It's hard to let go of people whom you have given yourself to-- it may not be physically-- but still you have this paranoia that death would visit you if that person leaves...

Its a heartbreak thing that some would quote as "cheesy". But they could not deny for themselves that some point of their lives, they locked the door of their room...cried...picked that piece of blade...and tried to cut their wrist. Sometimes, I would reach to a point when I don't even know myself for I chose to live in the shadows of his character. For so many times, I tried to let go, but I can't... I tried to be me, but my decisions and choices was still affected by him. HELP!!! Maybe I really need some help---or just a piece of rock to hit me so I can be my old self again. If Help can really HELP me, then it should not come from anyone else but from me...

The Perfect Imperfection

"... it's like a strong punch on the chest...

I really never saw it coming... but still...
it happened..."

My backbone is not as perfect as yours... but still, when i stand, i stand high... My hand is not that pretty as yours... but still, when i sketch, i do it with proportion... My feet is not a Cinderella size...but still, it already took me to hundreds of places... My mind is not as organized as yours... but still, when i think and plan... it happens... = )